


Done, Undone

by SBG



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, First Kiss, M/M, Oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2018-01-01 04:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBG/pseuds/SBG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny doesn't think Captain Grover is wrong; no one agrees with him. Things are said that cannot be taken back. Things are done that cannot be undone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Done

**Author's Note:**

> File under: I doubt anyone will like this. ;) 
> 
> Does contain vague spoilers to 4.07.

He’d known the moment would come eventually, but he was somewhat surprised about what sparked it. He’d imagined it would be after a normal takedown had turned into a violent, unnecessary shootout. He’d thought perhaps it would fall after a time Steve had blown up half the city in the guise of No Other Way. Surely, these days it could have happened when Five-0 did one of the many, many borderline illegal things in the name of the law. The irony wasn’t lost on him; he had willingly participated in some of it, could still call to mind that sickening swirl of satisfaction from beating a confession out of a child murderer and overall sleazebag. He knew this, knew he was being at least a partial hypocrite. 

But it wasn’t any of the obvious things that tipped him over the edge. It was standing here in Steve’s doorway with Chin and the newly Five-0 crowned Catherine seated in front of Steve’s desk when the moment arrived. He shifted, arms crossed tightly over his chest. The words rang in Danny’s ears, a tintinnabulation of _wrong_.

“You’re going to have to do something about Captain Grover,” Chin had just finished saying, telling them of his breakfast encounter, after both he and Steve mentioned their run-in later in the day. “He’s not going to leave this alone.”

It was just an offhand remark, but it had come from someone who was arguably the most levelheaded member of the team. Someone who, by all rights, should be able to see Grover’s perspective. Danny glanced at Catherine briefly, then looked away. He wasn’t ready to unpack her addition to the team yet, the manner in which she was ushered in, or how she might feel about Grover’s threats to her new job’s security.

Danny didn’t catch what Steve said to Chin’s advice, but he could guess based on the lazy smile that he had already dismissed Grover as any type of real concern. It might have been Steve riding on the slight high of inviting Catherine into his professional life as well as personal. It might have been Steve’s arrogance. It might have been both. For Danny, his concern wasn’t why Steve’s attitude was what it was, just that it was also wrong. He would not pretend he liked the SWAT Captain. The fact of the matter was, he thought Grover was a Grade-A jackass. However, he was also a cop’s cop, one with a stellar record and excepting the thinly-veiled threat of withholding HPD back up for Five-0 (a legitimate dick move), nothing he’d said had been entirely off base. Grover was not someone to take lightly.

Danny knew his own protestations had long ago become white noise to Steve, was the thing. He was sure he still said them from time to time anyway, all the while also knowing it was always a moot point. Steve would do what Steve would do and all _Danny_ wanted in those scenarios was to have Steve’s back. That was the very least the guy deserved, having lived a life full of people betraying him. He frowned. That feeling in his gut, the one that had always been there, tucked away since day one, solidified into a cold mass. He’d allowed the lines to blur too much, hadn’t kept up with what he knew was right with the same dogged determination that defined him because of his personal feelings, and now … now he needed to grab that figurative permanent marker.

He fucking hated it.

“No,” Danny said, and the way every other person in the room startled and looked at him, he knew they’d nearly forgotten he’d been standing there. 

“What?” Steve asked, his expression a mix of irritation and confusion. 

“I said no.” Danny uncrossed his arms and took a step over the threshold, into the office. “No, there’s nothing to be done about Grover. He is not some challenge we need to overcome. In a lot of ways, he is not wrong. In a lot of ways, what we need to do is look at our own actions.”

For a long moment, no one spoke. Steve’s posture stiffened, and he crossed his arms over his chest. Danny knew it signified a lockdown for Steve just as the uncrossing of his own arms was meant to make himself appear more open. So many times, they mirrored each other, and Danny couldn’t help but find the reversal painful. 

“Where is this coming from?” Steve asked.

“I’ve always had this viewpoint, Steve, even if you choose to disregard me every time I mention something like the very things Captain Grover is calling you, and therefore all of us, out on.” 

“You make it sound like I don’t listen to you.”

Danny simply shrugged, which only made Steve look angrier. 

“You don’t think I listen to you,” Steve said, like it was news to him that he often ignored Danny’s pleas for protocol with a half-smile, a hand grenade and an automatic weapon.

“This isn’t about me,” Danny said, trying to rein it in. His stomach was no longer cold, it was hot with sick agitation. 

“Like hell it isn’t.” 

Steve jolted out of his chair so fast, he was in Danny’s space before anyone could blink. He loomed over Danny, as if that had ever worked. 

Danny stood his ground, though he had to work to keep his arms loose at his sides. He read the betrayal in Steve’s eyes, which was ridiculous. Not once had Danny ever not had Steve’s back and he wasn’t suggesting that would change. He wasn’t suggesting anything more than what he’d always done – for them to stick closer to procedure unless impossible not to do so. He should have known this would be construed as something it was not. It had been a long few days.

“Please, listen to reason, babe.” Danny took a shaky breath. “Please.”

Over Steve’s shoulder, Danny saw Chin observing them with an intense look, Catherine with a wide-eyed stare. He’d only wanted to make a simple point, not start a war. If he had to call it, it was three against one. Terrible odds.

“I’m listening.”

Danny managed to not roll his eyes at the stubborn lilt in Steve’s tone.

“I’m not saying we shouldn’t be concerned about Captain Grover, or his accusations and threats. I’m saying it might not be a bad idea to look past the way he’s saying what he’s saying and see if it has merit rather than dismissing it outright because you don’t like hearing it. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” Steve ran a hand through his hair, his movements jerky. “Jesus, Danny, you make it sound like you think I lash out at anyone who doesn’t agree with me. Has your opinion of me always been this low?”

“My opinion of you is quite high, actually,” Danny said wryly. Too high, sometimes. “But from time to time, you have to admit we tiptoe awfully close to the wrong side of things. Case in point, the guy downstairs right now. Assuming he’s still there, Cath, and not at a hospital?”

She bobbed her head, eyes still quite huge in her pale face. 

“That got results,” Steve said. “We need to help Kono.”

“We do, and it did. It was also accomplished by a non-deputized civilian carrying one of our badges like it actually meant something at the time. Tell me you don’t think Grover would have a field day with that.”

“Now you have issues with me bringing Cath on the team?” Steve’s nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. “Nice.”

Danny wasn’t going to touch that one. He truly thought Catherine had skills they could use; hell, they’d been using them for years. Unfortunately, all of that and the fact that Steve was in an established personal relationship with her prior to her hire were also proofs of exactly how rule-bendy they’d become as a task force. No, not saying anything about that, or anything else. It was dangerous territory, and as hypocritical as any of his other arguments. He was done. If he couldn’t make a simple point without having to go on the defensive, then he wasn’t sure he had the energy to continue. 

Therein lay his greatest culpability in all of this, of course. Had he stuck to his guns instead of relaxed his standards for proper protocol, Captain Grover wouldn’t be an issue, and Governor Denning wouldn’t have been before him.

“I didn’t say that, and I’m not saying anything else tonight, because obviously we’re not in sync here. I’m done,” Danny said. He held his hands up and stepped back to the threshold of the office. “Okay? I’m done.”

The way Steve was staring at him, no lie, it broke Danny’s stupid heart. He shot a look back at Chin, hoping for some assistance or at least some reassurance that he was making sense to someone. While Steve’s expressions were as readable to him as a picture book, Chin’s face would help him win a grand tournament of poker. He would get no help tonight. Danny shook his head and kept on backing out of the room, pivoting only after he had cleared the doorway by a good two feet. Nothing would be accomplished by staying. 

Like the blurred line suddenly needing redefinition, other things he kept buried low and out of sight were starting to boil up. He was sure he’d see Steve’s face looking at him like that later tonight, and he couldn’t deal. He’d never been able to and he knew that, but it was clearer now than ever before. Danny nearly made it to the door before Steve was back in his space, a hand strong and unyielding on his left bicep, spinning him around.

“Before you run away, tell me this, Danno – if you have always felt this way about how I do things around here, why the hell do you stick around, huh?” Steve said. 

There were several ways to answer that question. Steve's touch was strong, and the warmth bled through his shirt. Danny’s brain failed him.

“Because you’re a fucking asshole,” Danny shouted, “and I love you anyway.”

Steve let go of him like he was on fire. Danny knew his voice had carried by the way Catherine and Chin snapped to attention, his face still mostly unreadable but hers, hers was wretched. He tore his eyes away from that horror into another. Steve’s countenance was now pale, shocked and horrible.

Danny fled, not surprised when no one stopped him this time. As he made it out to his car unimpeded, he thought maybe he really was done. He climbed into the driver's seat, pressed his forehead against the steering wheel and closed his eyes tight. 

He was right. It was Steve's face he saw.


	2. Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. This probably doesn't make it any better.

The transition from angry to stunned felt a lot like whiplash. The after effects left him barely able to move, let alone draw a full breath, as he watched Danny retreat out of the office with shoulders as stiff as they’d ever been. It was as if Danny’s parting message had created a vacuum, the silence he left behind so profound it pressed against Steve’s lungs. He stared at the closing door, torn between wanting to race after Danny and not. He shut his eyes tight and lifted his hands, cradling the back of his head as he simply concentrated on breathing in and out, in and out.

Danny had said the words.

Steve hadn’t expected them, didn’t know how the world suddenly seemed so different. In and out, breathe in and out. He thought he might have stayed that way forever, locked in his own numbness, had the sound of a chair scraping against the floor not snared his attention. He glanced at his office, saw Catherine had stood and was moving to the door. Concern and fear marred her pretty face, and he couldn’t bear it right now. He just could not. He dropped his hands, waving Cath off with his left while he started walking on autopilot away, out. He didn’t have a clue where he was going, only that he had to not be there and not hear her voice asking questions she undoubtedly had. He only went from a fast walk to a trot at the plaintive call of his name, a jog when it was repeated.

Once outside, he stopped and bent slightly at the waist. He squinted at the brightness of the sun and took a deep breath. After his eyes adjusted, he immediately noticed Danny’s car was still here and that Danny was in it, hunched over the steering wheel. Any breath Steve had gained was almost lost again, his heart tripping a strange staccato at the forlorn shape of his partner. He started jogging again, did not pause before letting himself into the car.

Danny jolted upright as Steve slid into the passenger seat, staring over at him with bright, watery eyes. For a blink, maybe two, he looked at Steve silently.

“What?” Danny croaked, sounding for all the world like he expected Steve to fire him or punch him.

“The conversation wasn’t over, Danny,” Steve said, his voice raspy with all of the emotions flitting around inside. He was surprised that he was able to manage it, because _Danny had said the words._ “You can’t just walk away like that.”

“Steve, I…”

Steve darted a glance toward the building. He still felt too close, too closed in, like Cath was still watching, and Chin, he thought belatedly. He buckled his seat belt.

“Not here, okay? I need … we need to talk, but not here. Just drive.”

“Where?”

“I don’t care. Not here.”

Danny’s hands shook slightly as he buckled in also, and started the car, reluctant but ultimately there for Steve. That was Danny in a nutshell, never shy about balking but always, always a solid presence at his side. The familiar swirl deep in his belly came unbidden, both wanted and unwanted at the same time, and exactly why he’d never been able to stay aggravated with Danny even after pushing buttons like he’d just done. He slid his attention to Danny’s profile, the strong jaw which was clenched tightly, his pique evident. He looked away before his staring became obvious, like he always did. Careful all this time, for no reason.

The silence fell heavy again, oppressive and uncomfortable for the first time in a long time and he hated it. His brain used that silence, raced with all of the things Danny had said before. Steve turned all of it and his own reactions around and around, trying to understand what had gotten him so angry when Danny was simply returning to a stance he had held since day one. Grover and his asshat attitude weren’t what was at the heart of it, not for him and maybe not for Danny. He stared out the window, but didn’t focus on anything. The truth was, he’d been on edge long before Danny opened his mouth back at HQ. Steve was willing to admit to himself he had reacted poorly to Danny’s age-old arguments because of it. The truth was, his own uneasiness hadn’t had a name until Danny called him out for it. Only, he realized, Danny hadn’t done that at all. He’d projected it well enough on his own.

His problem lay in a badge he’d given a woman he loved, a decision that had felt both right and wrong the second he had done it. Cath would make a strong addition to the team, he was certain of it, but the idea of having her in his life all day and then all night as well … that hit him hard. Steve loved her, he did, he _wanted to_. She was everything he’d always imagined, and more in a lot of ways. She was safe, reliable, capable, hot. He’d bend the rules to have her skills, he shouldn’t have to apologize for it. Her skills. He shifted, turning his torso toward the interior of the car instead of facing the window. 

He looked at Danny’s face and wanted to apologize for Cath. For all of it. He wanted to be the person Danny wanted him to be, even though that was an impossible task.

It was when Danny shot him a furtive look before opening the door and getting out of the Camaro that he realized they’d stopped. Some cop he wasn’t. Steve sat there a moment longer, watched Danny walk to the low stone wall and stand there, back to him and arms akimbo. The curving arc of Danny’s back was as beautiful a sight to see as the vista of the city and ocean beyond. That was precisely the kind of thing he’d spent so much energy suppressing. He shook his head, closed his eyes briefly and got out to join Danny.

The tension in Danny’s shoulders increased even more as Steve drew alongside him. It looked like he was well on his way to a headache, and Steve winced in sympathy. The drive here hadn’t been long enough, for either of them. He knew they needed to hash out Danny’s points about Grover, and the indirect one he made about Cath, but he hadn’t been able to distill past the other thing. The big thing.

“I don’t suppose we’re going to talk about anything else,” Danny said, as if reading his mind. “All of the stuff that matters got wiped right out of your brain, because I said something I shouldn’t have.”

Steve stared at a small pebble perched right at the far edge of the wall, which looked like a strong breeze would send it plummeting. He had always been attuned to Danny’s location in relation to his own, since that very first day, but now that awareness kicked into high gear. He would swear there was an electric current running between them, a charge that had only needed a spark. He sat heavily, shifted to turn so he faced his partner. The pebble toppled from the wall.

“It all matters, Danny,” Steve said. He swallowed a few times. “You have to know I know that.”

The look Danny gave him was full of piss and vinegar, so _Danny_ it made his heart trip once, maybe twice. He could see a full head of steam building. He stood, a feeble attempt to use his height to balance things out, a tack that never worked with Danny, who jabbed a finger at Steve’s chest.

“How would I know that, exactly?”

Instead of answering, Steve stood there and let Danny poke at him for a moment. He studied Danny’s angry face, the coarseness of afternoon stubble, the deep crinkles at the corners of his eyes as he squinted against the sun, the few strands of hair that blew free from the protective dome of product failing to keep it restrained. Everything about Danny was and always had been life-affirming, in some way, and he’d always known it. Danny said more words, Steve saw his mouth moving, but all he heard was _I love you_. That was all there was.

In a rush, Steve flew into action. He grabbed Danny’s pointing finger, his hand, and stilled it against his chest. He saw Danny’s eyes widen as he took a shuffling step back and tried to take his hand with him. Steve took the same shuffling step forward, then pressed himself close and leaned down. He captured Danny’s still-open mouth with his, heart racing one moment and nearly stopping the next when Danny froze, unresponsive. Steve didn’t relent, too wound up to do anything but _try_ , his arms wrapping around Danny. He felt it the moment Danny gave in, muscles relaxing into Steve’s touch and his mouth…

God, his mouth. The kiss was wild, desperate and rough. It held incredible promise, which was something he hadn’t allowed himself to contemplate as he’d tried to construct the perfect life without it. Steve made a sound at the back of his throat and leaned closer still, like he could crawl into Danny’s space. 

In response, Danny forcibly pulled away, broke the kiss. He panted, stared at Steve with wide eyes. He ran his tongue along his lower lip gingerly, then traced the same path the fingers of his right hand. 

“Damn it, Steve,” Danny said. He ran both hands through his hair, messing it up in a way that made him look more attractive, somehow. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”

Steve shook his head, his eyes riveted to Danny’s mouth for a moment before he looked into Danny’s eyes. He fought the urge to sit again at the pure devastation he read in them.

“Why?”

“It’s going to be so much more difficult now.” Danny folded his arms across his chest, as if the warmth of the day was as cold as a snowstorm. His expression was wide open, pained. 

“It doesn’t have to be,” Steve said. “Danny, it doesn’t.”

“Think about it,” Danny said. His eyes were hollow. “Think about her.”

Shit, shit. Cath There was no way he should have forgotten her so easily. Steve did sit then, so hard it felt like it rattled his bones. He ran a hand over his face, then rested his elbows on his knees.

“Cath,” Steve whispered.

“Cath.” So much regret in that one word. “And Five-0. Non-fraternization. I, Steve, there are _rules_ for a reason, and they’d apply to us just like anyone, even if there was no Catherine Rollins.”

Steve could handle Cath. He would handle it. But he knew Danny would not budge.

“Rules are meant to be broken,” Steve said thickly, hoping against hope. 

Danny let out a little laugh, but he stepped near, in between Steve’s legs. He placed his hands at the sides of Steve’s head, drew his face up to meet him as he leaned down and kissed Steve sweet, sad and slow. For several seconds, there was nothing but that kiss. It was a hello and a goodbye and it was so awful in its perfection. 

“Not all of them,” Danny said into Steve’s mouth at the close of the kiss, “and not this one.”

Thumbs traced against Steve’s temples, a gentle parting touch as Danny backed away from him. Steve sat mutely, watched Danny climb into to the car and sit. For a moment, he thought his partner was going to leave him them, abandon him in this befuddled, shattered state. Danny didn’t, though, he just sat there, waiting. It took Steve a good minute to get to his feet. He knew Danny was right. Like always, he heard Danny’s call for proper protocol. 

And like always, Steve thought as he shakily headed to the car, he knew was going to find a way to circumvent the rules.


End file.
